The Next 30 Days  The Journal of Remy Hadley
by Post13writer
Summary: Picks up where my story 30 Days - Allison Cameron's Journal left off.  Explores the growing relationship from Remy's POV.
1. Chapter 1

**The Next 30 Days – Remy Hadley's Journal - Prologue**

**A/N: So all the amazing reviews and feedback convinced me to continue this story with the Next 30 Days from Remy's POV. This opens up all kinds of avenues for me. I think Remy was the most interesting character on House. She wasn't as well defined as the others and I was always fascinated and intrigued by her. As the old adage goes, "Still waters run deep" and I believe that of Dr. Remy Hadley. Let's see how I do!**

**A/N: Standard disclaimers apply – I own nothing but the words. Reviews are always welcome. And I owe special thanks JMolover13 for the encouragement to continue! ENJOY!**

**Day 1**

**Wednesday, August 10 - Princeton, NJ**

2:00 AM. OMFG! What was I thinking, I kissed her. Lord, why did I stop kissing her? It was amazing and I want more, so much more. I want Allison Cameron naked and withering right here, right now. I knew if I crossed that line I could never go back, I would never want less, I could never let go. I'm a moth to her proverbial flame. I've been playing 'footsie' with her for 30 days and yet I never anticipated we would get here, that she was even attainable, that I wouldn't be able to break away. I say I want more like I'm even in control. What a blow-hard I am, she HAS all the control, she has me totally at her mercy. I realized it the moment I knocked on her hotel room door in Boston. No it was even before that, it was the moment I went home to call her that night just to hear her voice. I had options, I always have options. After the blues jam, I could have hung out at the bar, picked up a willing partner and fucked her brains out, but no, I went home to call Allison Cameron, my angel, my weakness, my Bella!

Alright, I am ramble-writing like an idiot! Just like I've always done, Journal, I will start at the beginning, so one day when my HD is in full swing I can look back and read "someone's" life story end-to-end.

I spent at least 30 minutes trying to pick out the 'right' outfit for tonight. I usually make my blues 'look' happen in 10 minutes: jeans, shirt, converse, go! But tonight I agonized: different jeans, multiple shirts, tie, no tie, vest, no vest, hat, no hat, boots, heels. When I settled on 'the look' it was good, I must admit, HOT even. I have plenty of practice, I know how to turn the ladies heads (all heads really – it's a gift or a curse – take your pick). I picked my most rad pair of dark wash jeans (all curves enticingly visible), my favorite white silk tee, my black leather vest, my favorite (most confident) suede boots and my white fedora. The black band on that hat just sets the look right.

I knew I had chosen well when Allison's door opened and her eyes crawled the length of my body in slow motion. Her pupils were dilating by the millisecond and her breathing getting shallower and shallower. It felt GOOD to be the object of that reaction. I couldn't let well enough alone, after all I have a rep to protect, I made a comment about everything being to her satisfaction and no shit, when she answered with a breathy, "God, yes!"' I almost lost my smart-ass edge. Her voice sent tingles down my spine. I recovered and shot back quickly, totally meaning what I said, "Well then, I'm glad I worked hard on just the right outfit".

Dinner was great Old Bay Restaurant never fails to deliver. Although the atmosphere was laid back, I made it a point to keep the tension slowly building between us. It wasn't hard all my nerve endings were on alert for an opening to touch her. And believe me the looks I was giving her were not manufactured, she is so beautiful and sexy. If anything I had to hold myself back as we ate and chatted.

I nailed it on stage. Playing for Allison was an adrenaline rush. Looking down at her and catching that radiant smile was intoxicating. My guitar, my special lady, was soulful and perfect, like she knew I was trying to impress Allison. I could tell by the look in her eyes that I was turning her on. I let it all hang out to snare my prey.

We got cozy in a booth while we listened to the next set of players. I made sure my thigh was pressed just so against hers. I was surprised by her boldness. She tangled our feet under the table and lazily pulled my right arm around her shoulders. Hey, I'm the last girl to miss an opening. I pulled her in closer and started whispering the names of the songs being played in her ear using my sexiest voice. I know when I turn it on my voice is the perfect seduction tool. But then it got away from me, my heart was revealing more than my brain was ready for, "you are so beautiful Allison, I love that you're here with me tonight". "You smell so good, Bella" with a well placed nibble on her earlobe. Shit, I'm getting all revved up again just writing about it. I was running on thin ice, however, I knew I had to stop or I was going to take her right there in that dark booth at Old Bay.

She took my hand tentatively as we made our way back to my car. I had to slow down, had to get control of my desire. Allison deserves more she is too special to be treated like a one-night stand, one of my "hot lesbian girls" (a la House). As I withdrew into myself, she was so cautious and soft spoken trying to draw me out. I got a quick peek into the amazingly gentle, compassionate Allison Cameron. I just couldn't ignore her I couldn't be typical cold, distant Thirteen. Remy wanted to come out, wanted to be near Allison (a moth to the proverbial flame). She was open about jumping into a quick sex-based relationship with Chase and made sure I understood that wasn't what she wanted with me. I have to watch myself, govern my normal care be damned attitude towards others with her she is not like all the others, not by a long shot. When she took my hand and caressed my knuckles, I relaxed, the tension drained from my body - I knew I had to try, had to be better, had to rise above and control my raging hormones.

And then, it happened. I was in slow motion it was like watching someone else reach out to run their fingers through her hair and bringing it to their lips. My gaze was so intense. My blood boiling in my veins, then I heard her take a nervous breath and it caused me too slow down again, to recalibrate. "Your skin is so soft, Bella", the words slipped from my lips as I traced a finger slowly along the curve of her neck "so very soft". She was fighting hard not to tremble at my touch. The pure sweetness of her actions continued to calm me down, bank the fire in my veins, I wanted to touch with respect, not take without regard. I tentatively guided her forward with my hand at the base of her neck. I brushed my lips over hers softly and slowly. The electricity flowing between us was palpable, our eyes never leaving each other's. When she started backing away, I could tell she didn't want to push me. She is so sweet. I drew her back in for another soft kiss. It was perfect, her lips moving against mine. I was careful, no tongue, no teeth. It was beautiful. I held her close, our foreheads together, there was so much passing between us. I can't even describe what I felt. "Goodnight, Bella, sweet dreams".

I'm hooked.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Next 30 Days – Remy Hadley's Journal – Chapter 1**

**A/N: So, here is chapter 1. I sincerely hope you like it. Feedback & reviews are always appreciated**

**Day 1: Thursday, August 11 - Princeton, NJ**

11:15 PM. Today turned out to be a great day. It started out very iffy. I was nervous about seeing Allison and how she would feel about our date. As it turned out, she was normal and I was the weirded out one. It's not often I see one of my 'date' partners the morning after. It's a well known fact I'm a screw 'em and leave 'em kinda gal.

When I saw her, she had the most beautiful smile on her gorgeous face. She lit up when she saw me walking down the hallway. I swear my damn heart (the betrayer that it is) skipped two beats and fluttered like it was caught in the summer breeze gently blowing outside. At that moment, I felt completely unworthy of both that smile and that woman. Of course, House quickly changed my focus as he made a typical "Lesbian Lovers" comment. That man is insufferable – but, I really do like him. He challenges me in ways no one else ever has and on some level I know he is there for me, asshole ways and all.

She texted me about 11:30 to invite me to lunch, but I couldn't break away. We did, however, grab coffee together and have a quick meeting with Cuddy to discuss our Lead America readiness. We realized we have a few loose ends to wrap up. We are having dinner tomorrow night at Allison's again (just she and I) to take care of that. I'm on edge about that, when we get done with dinner, I know I will have a hell of a time not initiating a little sexy time. Moth to the proverbial flame!

Allison was so adorable today, after Cuddy left, she reached over and took my hand. When I raised my eyes to look at her, she said, "Hi" with those big blue/green eyes twinkling. It was so physically unobtrusive but so totally intimate. She had that voice like I've always pictured lovers use in the morning when they wake up after a beautiful night together and just can't believe it was real. I long for that to happen with us. I don't want to screw up, I want to be the one that sees that face and hears "Hi" every morning.

Wow, weird case this morning a milkman that looses consciousness every time he takes a piss. Imagine the FUN House is having with that one. I got sent in with the "male happy" bedpan twice to see if "focusing on a sexy, bisexual while peeing makes a difference". When it didn't, Chase got sent in to see if "pissing in front of a floppy-haired, pretty boy did the trick". Shit that man is obnoxious. Did I really just write 3 paragraphs above that I like him!

Phone is ringing! Allison, what a pleasant way to end the day!

**Day 2: Friday, August 12 - Princeton, NJ**

12:30 AM (Saturday morning). I just got home from Allison's. She wanted to make me dinner tonight before she heads off to Boston to see Brad. Her excuse for us getting together was to put the finishing touches on our Lead America Conference plans. The students show up Wednesday, so it probably made sense. However, after dinner, we didn't talk much about the Conference or the students.

We sipped wine and talked about many different topics. As the evening wore on and the wine took effect, we slowly gravitated together and before I knew it there was a rogue hand under my ponytail, softly caressing the back of my neck. It felt wonderful. My head fell forward and I swear I began purring. Bravely, my little Bella reached up and took out the band holding my hair. Her fingers were magic as they ruffled my hair freeing it from its bounds. Holy SHIT, when she started scratching the base of my skull, my purrs turned into a growl and I had to hold myself back from grabbing and ravishing her. It took all I had, to breathe deeply and relax. Allison knew she was getting to me. I heard a soft chuckle and turned my head to peer out from under my hair. I was greeted with that beautiful smile again. This time, however, it was tinged with colors of lust: flushed cheeks, eyes darkening and pupils dilating. "Hi" was all she said as she leaned in and kissed me. That woman is nothing short of amazing (moth to the proverbial flame!).

We took it really slow, soft kisses and gentle hands. We'd been at it for about 15 minutes when she confided that she knew I was holding back, that she could feel the tension in my arms and wanted to know why. The conversation was scary for me. Admitting that I wanted to just take her, but wouldn't allow myself because she meant so much more to me and that I was actually afraid to touch her was cathartic. When she kissed me the next time, it was deep, so deep I think she actually found my soul. As she laid me back on her couch and lay on top of me all I could do was tremble and say "Allison, Allison" over and over. "Shhh, my love be brave let me lead", the words unhinged me. The next thing I knew she was kissing my cheeks to dry tears I didn't even know I'd shed. Vulnerable is not something I do well, but for Allison I will try.

Our evening ended early (read no sex) which was okay by me – I want to do this right! She will be back from Boston Sunday evening. She asked what I had planned for the weekend. I could tell she was either 1) thinking I'd volunteer to go along or 2) afraid I was going to go out and party with some bar-fly while she was away. I took her in my arms before I went out the door and told her I would call her tomorrow night so we could talk and that she had nothing to worry about I wasn't going to bring anyone home. I mean it, but I can't fight the feeling that I need to get laid – there is this tension in my body that only sex can release. I'm torn because I want relief with Allison but want to treat her right. There are tears on my cheeks again – that woman!


	3. Chapter 3

**The Next 30 Days – Remy Hadley's Journal – Chapter 2**

**A/N: I know this chapter is short only a single day, but I thought it was a decent place to stop and let you think about the last paragraph for a couple of days. I know I will! Standard disclaimers apply. Reviews appreciated.**

**Day 3: Saturday, August 13 - Princeton, NJ**

10:35 PM. There are literally 20 things running through my head right now. I just left Allison another voicemail my second one tonight. I feel so needy. Hell, I am needy – I need to have SEX, but I'm busy playing the good girl, the girl courting an amazing woman and depriving herself of a good FUCK. Shit I'm going crazy. I want a drink – go out, stay in? That is the question. In, whiskey… perfect. Be right back. Ah, Glen you never let me down!

The 'pissing patient' didn't make any progress today. Imagine passing out every time you go pee. Not something I'd like to experience. Taub and I ran more tests, but even House is at a loss. So, this afternoon we turned him over to psych for an eval. Maybe they will have more luck than we did.

I found myself missing Allison today at the hospital. House, always so aware, asked me if I was having 'separation anxiety from his small-chested ex-duckling'. Granted it was mean and uncalled for but his sense of timing never fails to disappoint me. I gave the obligatory "Shut up, House" and moved on. However, his obsession with Allison's chest did give me an idea. I hacked into his computer and stole a picture of her. My beautiful Bella was wearing a navy skirt, a white blouse and heels with her hair down and her glasses on while leaning against the nurse's station reviewing a file. He had the picture stored in a folder marked "Cam Admin". There were three other pictures in the folder, but I quickly sent the 'best' one to my personal email. Hacking into his laptop was a piece of cake. I couldn't believe that his password was "cuddysgirls". So House!

Phone is ringing – it's Allison!

12:15 AM (Sunday). I'm pretty hot and bothered right now. Talking to Bella was good, she misses me and wishes we were cuddled up on the couch watching a movie and sharing my Glenfiddich. I pointed out that if I had any say in the matter we'd be sharing a little bit more than single malt. She took a deep breath and let it go slowly. I waited. Then her voice dropped an octave and she said, "Oh Remy, please don't say that now I won't be able to sleep. Or worse yet I'll have that dream again." After some prodding, she hesitantly and very, very shyly told me at least parts of the dream she had Wednesday night after our first kiss. Holy shit! I was spellbound by her words and the images bombarding my brain. Not to mention the slightly tipsy tingles vibrating through my own lower regions.

We said goodnight, it wasn't easy after the dream conversation. I miss her, I want her, I want that dream to be a reality and I want it NOW. I guess tonight I can take care of myself. After all, I've got the picture I stole from House's laptop and the memory of Allison's voice low and sexy in my ear.


	4. Chapter 4

**The Next 30 Days – Remy Hadley's Journal – Chapter 3**

**A/N: Sorry for the delay! This chapter is longer, 3-days in total. It has somewhat of a melancholy feel. I want to be sure it's obvious our girls are really falling for each other in every way and at every level not just the jump to sex way – although that does have it merits. This is a life changing 30 days for Remy and Allison needs to ease her way into what's right not what's convenient. Please ENJOY and let me know what you think.**

**Day 4: Sunday, August 14 - Princeton, NJ**

9:40 PM. Gimme! Java is not _just_ my favorite coffee spot it is quickly becoming my favorite spot in the city. To my surprise, Allison came in this afternoon while I was having my Sunday afternoon constitutional. I didn't expect to see her, in fact, I thought she was getting in about 8:30 PM and all I would get was a quick phone call. This was so much better.

I spent most of the day today outside burning off energy. I started with a 3 mile jog, did some climbing at Mel's and finally took a nice long walk around the lake. The weather was gorgeous, so it would have been a crime to remain cooped up inside nursing an adult beverage. Besides, I knew Allison wouldn't want me being all depressed. She would agree with my Grandma Hadley, who used to say, "Life is too short to waste being a couch potato". Little did Gram know how true that would turn out for me, I miss her.

Brad is doing a lot better. Allison feels very optimistic about his condition and rate of recovery. I found out her sister-in-law, Chris, is pregnant. She is so excited to talk about her soon-to-be niece. It sounds like Auntie Ally is really going to want to spoil that child, and that I will have a hand in said spoiling. I was informed that 'we' will be having her stay over for the weekend and taking her to the zoo as soon as she is old enough. When I smiled at that, Allison, looked at me and said, "What?" She just said "of course, we will be a 'we' then, why wouldn't we be?" I didn't have the heart to bring up my disease. For once in the last 3 years, the thought of it went right out of my head rather than hanging on and bringing me down. I was focused on Allison and the plans she has for 'our' future.

The thought of a future with Allison not only scares the shit out of me but it excites me like nothing ever has. There was such a sense of normalcy in the way she said it and just assumes it will be so. Gram would like Allison – "someone to tame the wild one" – she always said I was different.

Allison came by cab to Gimme! Java. She was taking a chance that I would be there. So, I walked her home. I felt like a teenager. We held hands and then she took my arm and leaned her head against my shoulder as we walked. I didn't want her to get too close because I smelled after exercising all day, but she wouldn't hear of it. She said she didn't care what I smelled like as long as she got to be the one smelling me! That woman (moth to the proverbial flame!)

It was hard to leave her this evening. Our kisses were getting more and more passionate with each passing minute. So much so that at one point, her little neighbor boy, he's like 8, told us to "get a room". When her hand slipped under the waistband of my sweats and she gently kneaded my ass, I knew he was right. I gave her a last kiss and told her to go take a cold shower.

I'm headed in to soak in a hot bath, but I know I won't be in there long before Bella calls me – I can feel it! Maybe I'm just as much a flame to her moth as she is mine.

**Day 5: Monday, August 15 - Princeton, NJ**

10:30 PM. Today was a rather routine day. We didn't have a patient. The "pissing patient" turned out to be suffering from PTSD, seems like bad toilet training really can scar a kid. Anyway, he's being treated and is on the way to a long recovery.

I spent most of the day in the clinic working off my hours. There was a steady stream of summer colds and tummy aches. I had the cutest little boy, he was about 4. I went to the lobby to call his name: Billy Zuvela and he raised his hand. There was no adult with him, so I asked if he was alone. It appeared he'd lost his Grandpa. When I asked him what his Grandpa's name was, he responded "Grandpa". Seeing as how I wasn't making much progress, I asked what his Grandpa was 'like' thinking he would describe him. To my utter amusement he answered, "Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits". I burst out laughing and turned around to see Allison standing there with a very embarrassed rather rotund gentleman both of them blushing furiously. It seems Allison walked up at the same time Grandpa returned from the men's room and heard the whole conversation. Grandpa, whose name was Mike, apologized. I told him to give me a second and I would take he and Billy back to an exam room. When I made my way over to Allison, she smiled and made some comment about a really cute kid. In my typical smartass way, I added that he was a "kid after my own heart". WHACK! WHACK! I got two of the hardest punches on the arm I've ever gotten. Apparently, I no longer have a penchant for women with big tits but rather a single woman with tastefully sized breasts (and a mean right hook). Indeed, I do!

I met Allison in the locker room at 6:30. Of course, Chase was lurking around the corner about to pounce on her with a verbal tirade. But, I cut him off with a very bitchy-look and the wimp-ass that he is, he totally retreated without saying a word. My act of heroism earned me one nice, long, juicy kiss from the damsel who didn't have to suffer distress at the hands of her ex-husband. So it was all worth it.

Allison was so tired from her trip to Boston. I didn't want to keep her out or up, so I sent her straight home and stopped myself to get her some Thai food. We ate quietly, sitting on her sofa, my bare feet on the coffee table and her sock-clad ones in my lap. After I finished eating, I took advantage of the situation and began a slow foot massage. I was rewarded with several glorious moans and blissfully closed eyes. I looked over 5 minutes later to see her head against the sofa back and her fast asleep. It was sweet. Truth is I could love spending all my nights that way, just basking in the simple pleasure of watching a relaxed Allison. I must have whispered out loud, "Why did Chase ever put this at risk?" She wasn't as asleep as I thought because she responded, "We never had this". I felt special. I still do.

I'm actually really proud of myself tonight. After I put Allison to bed and tucked her in with the obligatory good night kiss or 17, I drove right past 'bar row' and even after seeing two rather scantily clad girls head in my club of choice, I had no desire to follow. Allison Cameron is the only woman I want. And that feels DAMN good!

**Day 6: Tuesday, August 16 - Princeton, NJ**

12:15 AM (Wednesday). I don't know how Allison does it. I've helped out in the ER three times in the past 5 weeks and each time it gets worse. She has so much compassion and feels everything so acutely. I just don't know how she survives the emotional pain.

There was a 210-foot crane that collapsed today and smashed into an off-campus family housing building. According to some of the guys from the restaurant next door that helped until police and fire crews arrived, it was a scene of terrific destruction. The ceilings had come down, along with wires and pipes, and there was nearly a foot of water on the ground from a broken main. In the apartment where the most seriously injured family was found, the crane had actually sliced through the walls and was lying across the couch and the baby's pack-n-play.

There was death everywhere today. Ambulances brought in twelve victims, 3 families. In one of the families the children died – all 4 of them: 10 year old boy, 8 year old girl, 4 year old boy and 6 month old girl - sheer devastation. Foreman and I were helping out and even he was moved by the events, I could see it in the wrinkle around his eyes and the heavy sigh when he covered the 10 year old with the sheet.

I had the 6 month old infant. There was nothing that could be done. I tried I really tried. At the end, I just held her little body and waited for the end. Allison was in the next room with her Mom and Taub was two over with her Dad - neither survived. An entire family wiped out. I'm not sure how long my heart will continue to ache over this one. Allison says it will stay with me, they all do. They touch your soul in a way that never lets you forget.

Allison is amazing. After the baby died in my arms, I sought refuge on the roof. It was windy. The roof is always windy for some reason, but it felt good against my face and in my hair. I was standing with my hands resting on the wall that circles the roof's perimeter. It wasn't quiet by any means, birds tweeted and sirens blared but there were no voices. As the clouds moved, I caught a glimpse of the orange and pink sky. The sun had just set. I rarely take the time to catch them but when I do I really love sunsets. They have a way of making the whole messy, painful, imperfect world look beautiful. No matter what hell has transpired.

I heard the sound of the roof door opening and closing and wanted to turn around and scold the intruder for interrupting my alone time. But, I didn't and now I'm glad I didn't, doing so would have wrecked what turned out to be an amazing moment. As I listened to the footsteps approach, I actually smiled to myself because it wasn't the tap-tap-tap of House's cane, the shuffle of Taub's feet, nor the heavy plodding of Foreman. There was only one person who walked that softly and smelled that wonderful – Allison.

When I realized who it was, it was even harder to not turn around and feast my eyes on the beauty that is my Bella. But, I remained still, waiting to see what she would do when she reached me. I knew her day had been every bit as hard as mine.

She stopped directly behind me but didn't touch me. I could hear her breathing and feel her breath on my neck. After about 60 seconds, two slim, warm arms circled my waist and she leaned against me putting her chin on my shoulder. In spite of what I'd been through I smiled. It felt amazing, no one had ever held me that way before. I felt special, cherished. I didn't speak, just continued to enjoy the feeling while I let go of wall and rested my hands on hers. She threaded our fingers together and kissed my shoulder softly. I don't think I've ever experienced a more perfect moment.

We gave each other strength and we returned to the battle of saving lives. There were still others that needed us, those that we could save. The sirens I heard previously were more victims found behind the apartment building.

I didn't want to leave tonight. I wanted to stay with Allison in case she needed help. But no, she reminded me that we have the Lead America students coming tomorrow and at least one of us needed to be partially coherent for the kick-off. Of course, she was right. In fact, it seems she already knows me so well. When she tucked a strand of hair behind my ear tonight and kissed me, she told me to go straight home and have a drink, not to stop at a bar, get smashed and hook up with some woman for crazy 'forget it all sex'. So, journal, as I write about the pain and suffering of the day and try to at least document the existence of the children that died I do so with hope. Hope, that my own future will be brighter because of Allison, my Bella, my flame.


	5. Chapter 5

**The Next 30 Days – Remy Hadley's Journal – Chapter 3**

**A/N: I'm so sorry for being really, really late with an update. We are re-organizing and reducing at work and I've been totally consumed with life. So our LeadAmerica conference has started and the participants are a handful. At the end of this chapter Remy is plotting and planning her romantic escapade with Allison. Usual disclaimers apply.**

**Day 7: Wednesday, August 17 - Princeton, NJ**

9:40 PM. Shit I am exhausted. Our LeadAmerica students showed up today and I don't remember having that much energy 1) at that age and 2) when I was a participant. No kidding the group, made up of 4 girls: Erin, Monica, Sandra and Stachea and 2 guys: Clay and Michael, were all non-stop questions and trying to one-up each other with their 'knowledge' of medicine. Juniors in High School are odd, awkward creatures.

Allison was really out of it today, after yesterday's crane collapse and the death of those children, she ended up staying in the hospital in an on-call room. Of course, when she showed up to meet the participants ("our little band of cherubs" as she has nicknamed them – House seems to have rubbed off on her as well –is cherubs really better than ducklings?) she still looked radiant. She had changed out of scrubs and was wearing a pair of black slacks and a burgundy colored blouse. I could look at that woman forever and never get bored. I think I must have gone all gooey-eyed and non-responsive on the cherubs because Erin, the outspoken one, called my name three times then said to the others, "it looks like Dr. Hadley has a thing for the blonde coming down the hall". I snapped out of it when I heard the combination of Erin's comment and Allison calling my name. Indeed, I do Erin, indeed I do have a thing for that particular blonde.

Today's conference really focused on orienting the participants to the hospital and the program. Cuddy spoke with them, as did Wilson and the National Chairperson for the LeadAmerica program. House tried to bully his way in, but Cuddy held him at bay. We won't be able to fight him off for long, soon enough the cherubs will come face-to-face with the devil of PPTH himself – God help us all.

Before Allison headed home this evening for some much deserved rest, I found her in the locker room and led her up to the roof which I have dubbed "our special place". The sun wasn't setting yet because it was too early, but there was a gentle breeze blowing and it was quiet. I would give all my forevers just to witness the smile that graced Allison's face when we reached the roof in silence and I took her in my arms. She melted into me and on that roof top I experienced another perfect moment. She was so tired but still she found the strength to initiate a rather passionate make out session filled with slow, deep kisses and hands brushing skin under blouses and shirts. It was blissful. As she pulled away she said, "one day Remy Hadley, I won't let you get away with just making out, I'm going to force your hand and you WON'T be able to resist me". How I long for that day – the day I get over my hesitation and the day she unleashes the power that is my sexual attraction to her.

**Day 8: Thursday, August 18 - Princeton, NJ**

10:30 PM. Cuddy thinks I should teach, she thinks I'm "fabulous with the kids". Good Lord, I'm more exhausted today than yesterday. The cherubs started their first rotation today in the clinic. After about 45 minutes, I was praying for either a massive emergency in the ER or a strange and wonderful diagnostics case. Having those 6 follow me around the clinic was almost as much trouble as dealing with all the runny noses and boo-boos. OK, I'm exaggerating a little – we had fun and the kids got to try their hand at blood pressures, taking temps and medical histories.

Watching the cherubs interact today was actually kind of nostalgic for me. I could so clearly see, the participants in House's game staring back at me:

Erin: bossy and straightforward. Always eager to be in charge and really, really outspoken, but quite talented for a kid actually

Sandra: quiet and studious. She asked questions rarely but when she did they were thoughtful and very poignant. While the others share their personal lives at every opportunity, she keeps to herself and even stands a little bit away from the others

Monica: smart and annoying. She has the squeakiest damn voice I have ever heard. It literally sounds like she is a two-year old. She is razor sharp, but I worry about her long term potential.

Stachea: quick witted and beautiful. She is obviously a good student, but she is beautiful for 17 and knows it. I can see her taking advantage of her looks with the guys.

Clay: laid back and focused. He only cares about the grade. The "horseplay" of the others doesn't matter – he's from a working class family and needs to become a doctor. His words not mine.

Michael: the class clown. The kid is sharp but he constantly downplays his own talent. He'd rather be seen as funny then smart. Amazing.

I say again, juniors in high school are odd creatures. And yet, so many of their characteristics remind me of 'the ducklings'. I look at Michael and see Kutner so clearly. I really miss that doofus. I look at Sandra and see myself. I wonder what secrets her short life holds.

Tonight over dinner, Allison and I talked about each kid. She drew the same conclusions I did after having only spent about 2 hours with them. She said how sorry she was that she didn't get to know Amber or Kutner better. Truth is she really means it. She told me that when each of them died, she wanted to reach out to me, to see if I needed anything. But, she didn't because I was so unapproachable. How I wish she would have. Losing both of them was very painful. Granted I think I hated Amber, but watching her die in Wilson's arms made me think a lot about my future. I had to know whether I was positive or not. Losing Kutner and finding him dead was another trauma. Then being shunned by my "boyfriend" when I needed someone was shitty. Think that episode made me really begin to question the 'rightness' of Foreman and I. No, there was no 'rightness' ever, it just really made me question why if I wanted to open up I couldn't find someone more worthy. When I replayed all that for Allison tonight, she made me realize I finally had found someone far more worthy and far more amazing. Life is strange and wonderful.

We concluded our character study of the cherubs, the ducklings and one, Remy Hadley, as we walked around the lake in the moonlight. Truth is Remy seemed like one lucky bitch and I'm glad to be her. Every time I said something painful, Allison would squeeze my hand tighter or let go and wrap an arm around my waist. Without a word I felt supported and loved. I needed to work through all that tonight and I'm so glad she was there and that the cherubs were the catalyst. Allison told me her grandma's secret philosophy: everything happens for a reason at a very particular moment, because it is right, don't question it, don't shy away from it but grab it and act on what's in your heart. Allison is my moment, my right and I did grab it. I kissed her in the moonlight and thanked Grandma Hadley and Grandma Morrison for having philosophies that have finally allowed me to accept Allison.

BTW, I'm ready. I know she is the one. I know she wants me and my hesitation is not necessary. I am so beyond the place in my head where I think I'm not worthy (for now, I'm sure I will question it again at some point, after all, I'm still Remy and still dying). I know I can be with Allison, have sex with Allison, make love to my beautiful Bella and not have it mistaken for the drug and alcohol induced hormonal kickback of the party girl. I'm going to ask her on a romantic date this weekend and make her burn with desire for me.


	6. Chapter 6

**The Next 30 Days – Remy Hadley's Journal – Chapter 5**

**A/N: Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. Here is the next installment - only 1 entry. I should be able to get a few major updates out this week. Please enjoy and if you are so inclined leave me a review. I like getting the story alerts, but reviews really let me know whether or not you are enjoying the fruits of my effort. Thanks**

**Day 9: Friday, August 19 - Princeton, NJ**

12:15 AM (Saturday). I can't stop smiling. Allison Cameron, amazing, gorgeous Allison Cameron, is fast asleep in my bed. She looks like an angel with her blonde hair fanned out on my deep blue pillows. It was so adorable, when I got out of bed to use the bathroom, she pouted in her sleep. She literally pouted when I disentangled myself from her. She had her head on my chest, her right arm thrown over my waist and her right knee lying across my thighs. I hated to get up but nature called and what the hell now that I'm up I want to document our night.

It all started out so innocently, a good day at work followed by an impromptu game of dodge-ball with the LeadAmerica team (Michael, Monica and I kicked their asses – totally!). Stachea sat out. She seemed afraid of getting hit by the ball. I wonder what's up with that. At dinner Allison said I shouldn't worry about it maybe she's just not very sportive, but I could see the longing in her eyes while we were all playing. I have to spend some time with her and see if I can find out anything.

Back to dinner and how we got here – Allison in my bed. Since it was Friday night and all, I thought I would start executing against my plan and invite my _girlfriend_ out for a meal. When we all entered the locker room after the dodge-ball beat down, Allison was changing and getting ready to head home. She chuckled at our shenanigans and said I was nothing more than a big kid at heart. The gooey look on my face made Erin laugh and point out again how, "Dr. Hadley is all crushing on Dr. Cameron". Allison was non-fazed and said something to the effect that, "Dr. Hadley better be crushing on me or she isn't going to get a chance to be my girlfriend". So I took the opening and asked if she would have dinner with me. The kids laughed and I told Allison I'd pick her up at her place in an hour. She wanted to wait for me, but I wouldn't let her, I wanted to do this right.

Exactly 58 minutes later, I knocked on Allison's door and there she was wearing skinny blue jeans, a red silk blouse, black shooties and holding her leather jacket. I must have stood there with my mouth hanging open drooling because she waved a hand in front of my face and said, "Remy close your mouth you're ruining my perception of you". Huh, what perception: oh yeah the one where I'm the studly, cool, take no prisoners womanizer. Sorry that went out the window with the beautiful teal eyes, soft smile and gentle touch on my arm from the woman of my dreams.

We made it in one piece to Ruffino's. My driving was severely challenged by Allison's sweet signing voice and the feel of her drawing hearts on the back of my hand. I don't even know if she was aware she was doing it, but I certainly was. It took all my concentration to keep moving forward rather than pulling over and ravishing my 'date'.

The atmosphere at Ruffino's was romantic with low lights and soft music. All seating is in booths with plush red velvet, very high private backs. Eric took me to Ruffino's the night he asked me to move in with him. The whole romantic atmosphere didn't feel right with him and, of course, I said no to his proposal. Thank God for small favors because as Allison and I made our way to the table, it felt absolutely right to be sharing that wonderfully romantic place with her.

The food was exceptional. We had veggie lasagna for two. Meaning we shared a plate and had to sit enticingly close together, our thighs never breaking contact all night – so sad, so very sad! After John cleared our dinner plate, I started to move away and Allison caught my left forearm and asked me not to move. Who am I to disappoint such a beautiful woman? Then she did it again, like she did that first night at Old Bay, she pulled my left arm around her shoulders. This time, however, she was far more bold and snuggled into me even more, "tell me why you brought me here, Remy, this place is gorgeous?" For as long as I live, HD or not, I don't think I will ever forget that question. My answer was simple, "because I'm falling in love with you Allison Cameron and I could think of no place more romantic to tell you than here". She kissed me and the world stood still. It was different than the other kisses we had shared in the past 2 weeks. This one was not just deep and soul-searching. It was more than that it had a hunger and a neediness that told me I had said the right thing, that I had passed some invisible hurdle in the mending heart of Allison Cameron. That the woman in my arms was giving herself to me in a way that transcended anything I had ever felt before. Our hearts and souls surrendered to each other without our minds intervening. Amazing! Re-reading this just now, I feel like a deranged romance writer of the 18th century – I've gone all Lord Byron on myself, but fuck it! Never in my wildest dreams did I think it was possible for me to find this level of intimacy with someone.

Allison didn't want to go home tonight and end our evening together. She wanted to come here, to my place, to spend the night. No pressure, she just wanted to fall asleep in my arms and wake up to the feeling of me surrounding her. Holy shit, I went all weepy on her. No one had ever said anything so wonderful to me before. I cried like a virgin and she didn't even touch me. In many ways, in all the important ways, I am a virgin with Allison, my Bella. I'm experiencing life in a whole new way.

She's stirring in bed over there. She looks so adorable in my Betty Boop PJ set. Here it comes, "Remy, what are you doing? Come hold me." A girl could get used to this! Last night's goal was a romantic date with my lady. It happened so much sooner than I had thought possible and ended with me snuggling her in my bed. My next goal: holding a very naked Allison Cameron after a night of unbridled passion. Let's see how long that takes! Back to bed! (Moth to the proverbial flame)


	7. Chapter 7

**The Next 30 Days – Remy Hadley's Journal – Chapter 6**

**A/N: Hope you enjoy! Standard disclaimers apply: they aren't mine, but damn I wouldn't mind leasing them for a few days.**

**Day 10: Saturday, August 20 - Princeton, NJ**

No entry for extremely valid and sexy reasons – see Sunday!

**Day 11: Sunday, August 21 – Princeton, NJ**

6:15 PM. I'm 27 years old and I've experienced quite a few weekends in my life, but this has to be the best one to-date. I've also fucked a lot of women, but I found out last night that no matter how erotic or sensual those women had been they couldn't compare to Allison Cameron. Last night with Allison was the perfect mix of raw physical need and breathtaking emotional intimacy. Being with her was as close to actually making love as I've ever experienced. At the risk of sounding really cheesy, let me say that I want her to be the first and the last person that I make love with. I want to spend all of my remaining days on this earth growing and learning how to make her happy sexually and emotionally.

I'm not even sure I have the appropriate language to capture what it was like. I've got plenty of crude, to the point words for what happened, but none of them do justice to the actual act of being with Allison. It all started so innocently, well on my part at least. I didn't expect I would be ready yet although I set myself a new goal yesterday, but, she had other ideas. The words, "touch me Remy, please don't hold back" completely undid me. I was reaching for her while my insides quivered and shook beyond all comprehension. Amazing.

Let me start at the beginning. We spent a great Saturday together. After waking up and making a breakfast of chocolate chip biscuits and bacon, we went for a "leisurely 2.5 mile run". My idea of a leisurely pace and Miss Allison's are totally misaligned. I ran my ass off to keep up and I consider myself a fairly proficient runner. As I was falling behind the last half-mile, she bribed me with a Gimme! Java latte as my reward, "on her". She didn't appreciate my "on her" rebut but then again perhaps she did, the little smile and eye roll contradicted her "not my idea of a good cup of coffee, you DOG" words.

Two very nice lattes and separate showers, each at our own place, later we were headed to the art museum for a Willem de Kooning exhibit. Go figure, my Bella loves abstract art. She is the least abstract person I have ever met. Funny that she claims Chase fostered her interest by his hatred of the art form. Defiant much, Allison? I love that woman's spirit. The exhibit was nice. I'd never seen so many obscurely shaped body parts in one place. I specifically got a chuckle out of his rendering of the human nose. The brochure listed the following quote: "Even abstract shapes must have a likeness". Guess the nose fits that bill.

We stopped by the Players Club to grab an adult beverage for Happy Hour. The DJ had a Black Keys obsession working so we danced a few songs. Black Keys music always puts me in a very good mood (not that I wasn't already). The deep thumping base line and coarse rawness of the voices always gets me feeling sexy and I start moving to the music in a very uninhibited way. I was swaying to the music with my eyes closed and I felt a light touch on my arm, when I opened them Allison slid her hand down my arm and put our joined hands around the small of her back. She had a sly little smirk on her face as she stepped in to me, our hips brushing dangerously against one another. The temperature in the room shot up 15 degrees. She is such a tease! When I leaned in to capture her lips she stepped back, put her finger to my lips and said "not yet". Holy fuck, she then started dancing leaving my hand in the small of her back. Her hips were swaying and her left hand was running from my neck to my waist brushing the side of my breast. Shit, I was getting so turned on. I thought I'd get my kiss when she leaned in again. Damn, she stopped a hair's width from me and whispered, "Let's get outta here". I couldn't speak. All I could do was nod and wait to be led from the bar.

Outside in a neutral environment, I got a hold of myself. My whole self talk thing about taking it slowly kicked in – God, I hate my rationale mind. She knew! She took my hand, caressed my palm and said, "Trying to rein it in Remy? Good luck with that" and she was off sauntering down the street in front of me. Jogging after her all I could do was laugh – a playful, tease. To temper the heat, we decided to order pizza in at my place and watch a movie. It was obvious she was taking pity on innocent me. Little did I know, as I look back on it now, it was the perfect setup to disarm me.

After I ordered pizza, Allison recommended I go change into something a little more comfortable. When I asked about her plans, she said she brought something and would go grab it in her car. Upon returning to the living room, there she was wearing a pair of silk shorts PJs. They were the most beautiful teal color. They accentuated her eyes and the way her hair fell around her shoulders just added to the look. In mere seconds my heart was racing. "Good thing you are naturally sexy, Remy, because that outfit is so not". All I could do was mouth the word sorry.

She was coming towards me slowly, like a big cat stalking prey. She had an almost feral look on her face, a shiver ran through my body and I started to sweat. She kept coming, unbuttoning the silk shirt with each step. Vaguely I noticed there was music playing in the background – Johnny Lee Hooker's "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" – and her steps toward me were timed to the beat. Thump, step, one button undone – it was an intoxicating rhythm – thump, step, one button undone. The shirt was hanging open. I could see the creamy skin in the valley between her breasts. Deep breath, restraint, I was failing miserably – I wanted her more than anyone EVER. She took my right hand, kissed the back, kissed each finger, kissed the palm, slid it beneath her silk shirt and let it go on the small of her back. "Touch me Remy, please don't hold back".

I was in motion instantly my left hand reaching for her cheek. I was shaking like a leaf. My brain was about to check out, but I needed to do this right, show Allison how right I was for her. "C'mon Baby, touch me". I smashed our lips together. I felt the resulting moan from Allison all the way to my toes. Somewhere in the exchange, she took over and was pushing her tongue so deep in my mouth. My body was responding, my hands were running up and down her back. She arched into me and I felt her breasts rub against my hoodie. I needed to feel her. I tore my hands and mouth away from her to pull the damn thing over my head. She was against me I could feel the cool silk and the warm skin on my bare chest. I pulled away again to run my hands across her shoulders pushing the silk shirt off. Gorgeous, creamy white skin and soft, perfect mounds - a perfect handful. I kept squeezing them she was moaning my name over and over in the most breathless whisper I had ever heard. Then she was in my arms, legs wrapped around my waist. I don't remember her jumping up. "Bed, now, please". Yes ma'am.

I thought she wanted me to touch her, but it appeared she had other intentions. She flipped us over and began a slow crawl down my body - lips, teeth and tongue, everywhere tasting every inch of my blazing torso. My chest was heaving and I literally screamed out when she took my nipple in her mouth. "Yes, yes" escaped my lips, "oh God Allison, yes". My words fueled her ministrations. She switched nipples and bit down softly. I couldn't take it I needed to taste her. I flipped us back over and sat up across her thighs. Looking down at her with her hair splayed out on my deep blue sheets was heady – I was powerful, the luckiest woman in the world. I took my time peeling away her silk shorts only to find no panties. "Someone was anticipating I see." A soft chuckle was my response. She was there before me naked and beautiful. I froze up – damn rationale mind – I'm not worthy, not worthy, not worthy at all was running through my head. "Touch me Remy, I'm yours, all yours, I'm right where I want to be". Bam! The tide broke, I was all over her, touching, tasting, rubbing, squeezing. I lost complete control of my body. The last coherent thought I had was how warm her skin was as my lips formed an O around her nipple and my index finger made a slow path down her stomach into the liquid heat of her center.

I can't adequately describe the rest of the scene other than to say, Allison Cameron is magnificent and I want her again, every minute of the day, every day forever. To my astonishment, she wants me too! When her cell phone rang at 4 AM, she refused to answer it but I made her. She had to go in, they were short handed. I think she cussed PPTH's ancestry as she drug herself out from under my sheets and got dressed to leave. She had a beautiful, sexy smile on her face as she declared that next Sunday morning there would be no interruptions. I was disappointed. I was so hoping to get that perfect 'hi' I've always dreamed of upon waking with a lover. Oh well. Allison has to pull a double so I won't see her until tomorrow morning.

Good thing Armando knows I get 'busy' sometimes after ordering a pizza. He is used to leaving it on the table in hallway and letting me settle up later. I guess I'll just sit here and eat my day old cold pizza for dinner. Oh and re-read this entry at least another half-dozen times. Pretty sexy, almost like being there but not quite!


End file.
